Finding MooBah
by JizzyEffrik
Summary: "Don't touch my Moo-Bah!"  "Your what?"  Welcome to insane Marauderfied version of Finding Nemo. Multi-chaptered and DISCLAIMED. L/J  Rated T, but is kinda leaning towards M for swearing.
1. Prologue

**A/N: DISCLAIMED FOR THE REST OF THE FANFICTION! I DON'T OWN ANYTHING! Except Moo-Bah ;)**

**A/N: Hello. This is my second multi-chaptered fic. Welcome to the Marauderfied version of Finding Nemo. Because I just love L/J pairings, somewhere along the lines, they'll get together! I hope you enjoy it :D**

FINDING MOO-BAH - Prologue

"Don't touch my Moo-Bah!"

"Your what?"

This is what greeted the Gryffindors in the early hours of the morning at breakfast. What _scared_ everyone was the fact that James Potter, the Head Boy, was clutching a stuffed, small sheep that resembled a cow crossed with a sheep slightly (or, if you wanted to be cruel, a cloud with legs and two black dots).

"Don't touch my Moo-Bah!"

James yelled repeatedly, shaking the toy in his best friends', namely Sirius Black, Remus Lupin faces.

Sirius and Remus blinked, and Peter snored in his porridge. The other Marauders looked at him, and Remus pulled Peter out of his breakfast.

* * *

><p>"C'mon, we've gotta find Moo-Bah! He can't walk much, he's got a dodgy leg!"<p>

Despite James desperate shoutings at breakfast for no one to touch his 'Moo-Bah', he had managed to lose him. Apparently, 'Moo-Bah' was at day school (which was actually the Heads common room with three first years that also had stuffed animals) and 'Ducky', 'Bacon', and 'Hippity Hop' had convinced Moo-Bah to touch the portrait door, which was called Homo Sapiens Gateway.

James had told Moo-Bah not to touch it, in an over-protective way. This had offended Moo-Bah so much that he hobbled his way over to the portrait door.

Suddenly, the door opened and when it closed, Moo-Bah was gone.

And so, armed with his amused and slightly scared friends, James set off to find his cloud with a dodgy leg.


	2. In which walls have faces

**A/N: So, just in case you skipped my summary, there is going to be some swearing and such. But, then again, it _is_ Sirius Black swearing like a sailor... **

FINDING MOO-BAH - Chapter One: In which walls have faces and James is dissapointed in the Kitchens, for once

James huffed and puffed, leaning against an unknown wall. James didn't particulary _care_ about the unknown wall, until, of course, a massive face popped out of it, pushing him unceremoniously to the ground.

James blinked up at the stone face as it groaned and yawned. He stood up and dusted himself off, staring at the face. Then, one by one, James' search party stopped behind him. Peter had already collapsed and started snoring immediately, Remus was dumbfounded, his mouth hanging open, and Sirius took one glance at the wall. For a minute they stood there. Then -

"Shit."

James glanced back at Sirius.

"You seeing this too?"

"Yeah. Why else did you think I swore?"

"Because that's what you do?"

"Really?"

"Well, honestly? Yeah."

"Double shit."

Anyway, while the face was stretching its huge mouth, Remus had grabbed a book out of his bag. His eyes skimmed down his desired passage.

"Aha!"

Remus snapped his book shut, stepped over Peter and asked the wall, "What is my name?"

The face opened its eyes.

"...Remus... Lupin..." it said in a gravelly voice.

"What are we looking for?" asked Remus. James looked eager.

"A half sheep and half cow... stuffed animal..."

James nodded in approval.

"Where is he?" asked James.

"... I don't know for sure... maybe in the Kitchens, getting something to eat?" asked the face.

"Maybe his favourite snack!" shouted James, already dashing off. Sirius ran after him, and accidently tripped on Peter. Peter immediately woke up and helped Sirius up.

"Where are we going?" asked Peter.

"To the Kitchens!"

"See ya!" announced Peter, knocking Sirius back onto the ground. By the time he got back up, Peter had already waddled out of sight.

"And now it begins," drawled Remus.

* * *

><p>"HE'S NOT HERE!" yelled James, sounding as though he was about to burst into tears.<p>

"There, there," said Remus solemnly, patting James' back.

Peter stuffed his face in with pasties and Sirius was drinking several shots of Sugar Fairy. Which, in hindsight, was probably the worst thing he could have done in the current situation...

_Several minutes later..._

"Ahh, I feel so... tired... HEY! LET'S HANG FROM THE RAFTERS! HEHEHEHEHEHE! After a POWER NAP!" shouted Sirius, jumping up and down.

"...B-but what about Moo-Bah?" blubbered James.

"Who cares about that stupid toy? It was a shitty excuse for a search party anyway... OOH! CHOCOLATE!" Sirius stuffed his face with some brown stuff on one of the tables in the Kitchens, while James sobbed on Remus' shoulder.

Peter looked up.

"Er... that's not chocolate..." he muttered, a few minutes too late.

"BLEGH!" Sirius spat out the brown stuff, which turned out to be house-elf... well, excrement, to put it nicely.

"Hahaha! Karma!" said James, pointing at Sirius. Then, he burst into tears again.

"Where are you, Moo-Bah?" he wailed, covering his face with his hands and hiccuping.


	3. In which we learn James' favourite word

**A/N: DETENTION!**

FINDING MOO-BAH - Chapter Two: In which we learn James' favourite word

For the rest of the day, the Marauders had searched high and low, here and there, and they still had no sign of Moo-Bah.

"B-but..."

"Let it go, James. You're 17, for God's sake!"

"B-but!"

"No buts James Harold Potter!"

"B-!"

"No! I'm sick of you acting like a child! Geesh! You're the Head Boy! Even got the badge and everything!"

"Oh yeah... DETENTION!"

"What?"

"DETENTION!"

"For what?"

"Arguing and refusing to help authority!" James puffed out his chest and stalked away from Sirius who just gave him a puzzled look.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, several students were dressing up as turtles for the day.<p>

"This is going to be fun!"

"Yeah!"

Little did they know that chaos would most definitely follow...

* * *

><p>"IN THE CAGE!"<p>

"What?"

"IN THE CAGE!"

"Why?"

"IN THE CAGE!"

"NO!"

"DETENTION!"

One of the first year turtles burst into tears.

"B-but why?"

"Because you are ruining my perfect scenery! Now, little boy, if you don't want a detention, then GET IN THE CAGE!"

"I'm a girl!"

"CAGE!"

* * *

><p>"James is acting very strange," said Lily Evans to her best friend, Hailey Brench.<p>

Hailey tossed her long, thick, blonde hair.

"So?"

"It's scaring me."

"How?" inserted Jade Baker, Lily's other best friend.

"Well... wha-what the hell is he doing?" exclaimed Lily, stopping suddenly.

The three friends were hit with a terrible sight...

Children were dressed as turtles being stuffed into cages with a crazy Head Boy yelling either 'DETENTION!' or 'CAGE!'

"James Harold Potter!" yelled Lily, breaking out of her reverie.

"Lillian Rose Evans!"

"What are you doing?"

"I'm stuffing these EVIL little snot-wiping turtles into these cages! What are _you_ doing on Saturday?" asked James, suddenly beside her, and leaning in close. A bit _too_ close.

"Humph!" Lily crossed her arms and stalked into the other direction. James smiled at her back. Meanwhile, the first years were tiptoeing out, and had almost made it around the corner, when -

"DETENTION!"


	4. In which Lily joins the search party

**A/N: Hello. It's rather short, but this is a kinda fluffy story. But don't let that stop you from reading on...**

FINDING MOO-BAH - Chapter Three: In which Lily joins the search party

"No, Black."

"Please!"

"No!"

"PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU!" Sirius threw himself at Lily Evans' feet and tugged her robes.

"Get off!"

"PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!"

"GET OFF!"

And then Sirius did something that only Sirius could do. He opened his grey eyes wide and pleaded with them. He was giving her the puppy dog eyes. Immediately, Lily looked away, having had experience on what the 'Puppy Dog Eyes' could do to her.

"Please..." whimpered Sirius.

Lily just had to look. To be polite.

"Please..."

"OK, I'll do it."

* * *

><p>Several hours later, Lily swore at herself for giving into the 'Puppy Dog Eyes'.<p>

_Stupid Sirius Black and his stupid 'Puppy Dog Eyes'. Stupid me for being so polite and looking into his stupid face._

Lily had now joined the ridiculous search party.

* * *

><p>"Moo-Bah? Where are you?"<p>

"Come 'ere, you stupid cloud!"

"Do you want to check under the tables in the Great Hall?"

"Sure."

The search party entered the Great Hall, a leash dragging Peter (disguised as a rat), snoring, behind them.

"MOO-BAH!" James cried, bounding over to the Gryffindor table. He picked up a bowl and started hugging it. Then he burst into tears.

"This is just mashed potatoes!"


	5. In which they meet hippies

**A/N: Hewo! Welcome to... *drumroll* Finding Moo-Bah! The other chapters were actually more like prologues. This chapter is the chapter that the whole 'Finding Moo-Bah' group is formed. Then, the party _really_ kicks off.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own the song 'If a Tree Falls' by Bruce Cockburn. And it's pronounced Co-Burn.**

FINDING MOO-BAH - Chapter Four: In which they meet hippies and the crew gains another member

James clipped a leash onto his owl.

"C'mon. Where's Moo-Bah? Take me to him!"

* * *

><p>Sirius woke up in the middle of the night.<p>

"Where's James?" he immediately asked.

"Wha-?"

"Where's James?" Sirius repeated.

Remus has half-asleep and Peter was sleeping like a rock.

"Uh, shouldn't he be in here...?"

"Well, he's not. Where's James?" Sirius mumbled impatiently.

"Why are you so concerned?"

"Because I have a feeling that he's about to do something rash."

At that very moment, an owl with a leash flew up past their window. A few seconds later, James appeared, his face beaming and his hands clinging onto the leash. He then dissappeared from sight.

"I've found him," said Remus, slightly bewildered.

"That is one strong owl," commented Sirius. They sat in silence on their beds. Then, of course, the message sank in. James was hanging onto an owl that was flying further and further away from the ground. And the bird was probably straining itself. And sure enough, James flew past the window, this time in the opposite direction.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" James yelled, briefly gesturing 'HELP ME!' towards his friends before he dissappeared from sight.

"SHIT!"

The two friends tried to open the window, but it wouldn't budge.

The next best thing to do was, of course, run like hell to James.

And so they did.

Surprisingly, Lily had beaten them to it.

Also surprisingly, James was unharmed, but a little bit whoozy from the whole experience. And he was resting his head in her lap.

"Hey, look! There's many Moo-Bahs!" he gestured to the sky which was littered with clouds. He giggled feebly and contentedly.

"James, you little..."

"Shh... I know."

James grinned at Sirius, knowing that his actions had scared the heck out of Sirius, Remus and probably Lily.

* * *

><p>Peter, of course, had no idea about the whole ordeal. Although, he spotted an owl fluttering and gasping outside the window. He opened it with ease, and let the owl in.<p>

"Hello little fella."

Peter noticed the leash tied around its neck and he unclipped it. The bird's breathing lessened slightly.

The door burst open and James stood in the door way, brandishing a fake police badge and wearing huge, dark sunglasses.

"Put the bird down and nobody will get hurt," he said in a deep voice.

Immediately, Peter released his hold on the owl and scrambled to his bed.

Then it was James' turn to comfort the bird. He fed it raw bacon and patted its beak. The door burst open again and Lily stood in the doorway this time.

"James?"

"I still have to find Moo-Bah, and I think this bird knows where he is."

"I wasn't talking about that. I was talking about the bacon."

"Oh. Well, I couldn't find owl treats so I raided Sirius' laundry and found this bacon."

"Oh."

Suddenly, the owl choked and fell to its side, dead.

James burst into tears, again.

"CURSE YOU!" he yelled through his tears, shaking his fist at the ceiling.

* * *

><p>All week, no matter how much the owl smelled, James carried it around.<p>

Then, in the middle of a corridor, someone grabbed James' arm and duct taped his mouth shut.

"ARGH! I'M BEING KIDNAPPED!" he yelled, although it came out as "AH! YUM, EATING KIDS NAP TIME!"

"Shut up!" growled Lily. Sirius, Lily, Remus and Peter were all crowded in a small broom closet.

James whimpered.

"Look, I know that it's sad that the bird died, but sometimes you just have to let go," said Remus softly. James firmly shook his head. Sirius shot him a sympathetic look.

"Mate, I hate to do this but..." He ripped off the duct tape hard and fast.

"OWW!" yelled James.

"Toughen up, Princess," sneered Lily.

"Sometimes, I wonder why you're not in Slytherin."

* * *

><p>And so, the next week was spent digging, burying and holding a funeral for the owl, named Kathy.<p>

James shuffled down corridors in a melancholy sort of way.

Then, he heard singing and guitar strumming.

_"If a tree falls in the forest does anybody hear? _

_If a tree falls in the forest does anybody hear?"_

He turned a corner and saw a large group of hippies in the middle of the busy corridor. A male started singing in a gruff voice,

_"Cut and move on_

_Cut and move on_

_Take out trees_

_Take out wildlife at a rate of species every single day_

_Take out people who've lived with this for 100,000 years -_

_Inject a billion burgers worth of beef -_

_Grain eaters - methane dispensers."_

Confused, James approched them.

"Hi! I'm Dory the Blue Fish!" beamed a blue-haried girl with blonde highlights. She was wearing a tie-dyed shirt and a skirt made of... recycled paper?

Instantly, a few questions popped into his mind and out of his mouth.

"I've never heard of that song. When did it come out and who is it by? Have you seen Moo-Bah? He's a white sheep that looks kind of like a cow and he's about this small and he has a dodgy leg."

The girl considered something.

"It comes out in 1980 something and it's by... Rainbow Frog," she said in a breathy voice. James noticed that her group had dispersed, probably spreading the message of what the people were doing to the earth.

James eagerly awaited for her next answer.

"What are you staring at?" she asked snappily.

"You haven't answered my other question."

"Who are you? And, what other question?"

"I'm James and I asked if you've seen Moo-Bah."

"Oh... Yeah, I've seen him."

"WHERE?" James screamed, excited.

"I... can't remember... I think it was over... here!" she lept up, James hot on her tail.

* * *

><p>After a while, Dory stopped and asked James rudely who he was and why he was following her.<p>

"You know where Moo-Bah is!" he answered.

Then, she took off again and he followed.

He was puffed out, and he collapsed on the floor.

"I know what your name should be!"

"What?"

"Free Eagle!"

"_WHAT?_"

"You heard me," Dory said, miffed.

A few seconds later, the Finding Moo-Bah gang appeared next to James.

"Who's she?"

"Dory. She'll help us find Moo-Bah!"

Dory took off down the hall, her blue hair flying everywhere.

"Let's follow her!"

**A/N: James gets irritated by her in the next chapter, folks! For now, he's just following her eagerly. And the 'crew' are following James, not so eagerly.**


	6. In which Dory's identity is discovered

**A/N: ... ENJOY MY STORY :D!**

FINDING MOO-BAH - Chapter Five: In which Dory's identity is discovered

As Halloween drew closer, James got more and more frustrated by Dory's lack of intelligence and memory.

"You said you saw him there!"

"Did I?"

"UGH!"

Sirius, Remus, Peter and Lily just ignored the little spat that James was having with Dory. They just searched high and low, looking for the stuffed animal that could apparently walk.

"James, I don't think we're going to find him," said Lily gently.

"NO! WE ARE GOING TO FIND HIM! DON'T GIVE UP!"

Lily sighed.

This was going to be a looong year.

* * *

><p>Moo-Bah was creeping around the corridors. It was midnight. He found a place to sleep, eat and play. He missed James terribly, but he felt that maybe it was time that they had some sort of distance.<p>

Moo-Bah suddenly tripped.

"Baahh!" he cried.

"MOO-BAH!"

_Oh no!_

He slipped around the corner, hiding in the shadows.

From his position, he saw James crying in the middle of the hall. It almost broke Moo-Bah's heart. But, he had to go.

"Bah," he said quietly and gently.

* * *

><p>James had not slept a wink after he heard Moo-Bah's characteristic 'Bah'.<p>

He was out there.

And James was going to find him.

But, for now, he called the search off. He understood what Moo-Bah was doing.

He was doing the same thing he did when James was six.

He was seperating them for a while.

For now, James was having to act like normal.

Luckily, Halloween was near. That always put him in a good mood.

Besides talking to Lily, of course.

During the search, he felt that Lily and himself had become closer. More like friends.

But, now, James knew that he had to play it cool.

* * *

><p>James and Lily walked out of their Potions classroom, comfortable with each other's presence. Then James had to ruin it.<p>

"Have you noticed that teachers demand things? You WILL give me this, you WILL give me that or I will eat your first born child. Muhahaha!" James said, flailing his arms about. "It's tiresome."

"James," said Lily, placing a patient hand on his arm, "Teachers have to demand things so that the students know it has to be handed in at a specific time. They have to ensure that students are doing things correctly."

"BUT DO THEY HAVE TO ENSURE IT SO INSISTANTLY?"

Then he broke down in sobs.

"There, there." Lily patted his back like she would do with a child. Sometimes, she felt like she was James' mother. She shuddered to think what it would be if she actually _was_ his mother.

"There you are!" Dory skidded down the corridor, her blue hair flying all over the place and knocking a nearby Ravenclaw's glasses off. Dory was a hippy, forgetful, clumsy Hufflepuff with blue hair and she shouted a, "I'm sorry, Wilburt!" behind her. Christian Mareeth looked at her blob of blue hair, confused.

_Did she just call me Wilburt? Where's my damn glasses?_ he thought, before slipping on his glasses and breaking them and his big toe.

Dory skidded to a stop, realising the 'moment' that Lily and James was having.

She backed away into a wall, and promptly knocked herself out.

* * *

><p>"Are you alright?" asked Lily. Dory was surrounded in white and she said the first thing that popped into her mind.<p>

"Am I in heaven?"

"Note quite," chuckled Lily, relieved to see that the girl was alright. During the search for the stuffed animal that Lily now thought never even _existed_, Lily had taken to think that Dory was like her little sister.

Dory slowly sat up.

"Where's that dude, um, er," Dory clicked her fingers as she strained to think of the names she remembered at the present time.

"I'm here," said James solemnly, raising his hand. He was sitting on plastic chair that was _very_ tiny.

"Oh! I didn't see you down there," she giggled.

"Do you ever?"

Dory giggled some more, then blushed when Sirius, Remus and Peter entered.

"How are you doing?" asked Sirius.

"I'm alright."

Sirius couldn't quite put his finger on it, but she seemed familiar.

Dory looked away quickly. Her gaze settled on Remus and she almost sighed. She had a crush on the shy, smart werewolf, even though she tried not to show it.

* * *

><p>Sirius was troubled.<p>

"I'VE GOT IT!" He ran all the way to the Gryffindor Common Room, dragged his friends to the Great Hall, commanded them to stay put outside the doors.

"Dory!" She looked up from the Hufflepuff table.

"Sorry, Tiffany," she said to her best friend, Catherine Jones. Catherine was used to it by now.

Dory got up and followed Sirius out of the Great Hall.

"This, everyone, is my baby cousin! Nymphadora Tonks!" Dory's eyes bulged and she choked.

"Wh-what?"

"You heard me, Dora!"

"It's Dory," she snapped.

"I'm sorry. I thought last Christmas you were saying your name was Tonks."

"I - ... I didn't want you to find out," she looked at her shoes.

"There's one thing I don't get, though."

"What's that?"

"Last Christmas, you were five. This year, you're 15."

_Oops..._

"Er - Sorry guys, I've gotta run!"

She disappeared out into the Entrance Hall.

"Aren't we going to follow her?"

"Nope. How did I not notice it before?" Sirius mumbled to himself. "Stupid, stupid, stupid! No one has that hair colour! Or a random yellow stripe in their hair!"

"Um, Sirius? She's fifteen. As you said before, she was five last Christmas. She's more defined, now."

"But still! I'm a stupid uncle!"

"You're her uncle? I thought you said she was your cousin!"

"Well, I don't like to think of myself as an uncle. It makes me seem old. And ugly," with that, he promptly shook his hair, his eyes had a mischievious twinkle.

"Now he's off girl hunting," sighed Remus.

"IF YOU FIND MOO-BAH, TELL ME!" James screamed after Sirius.


	7. In which MooBah finds love

**A/N: ... Hey everybody! I decided that Moo-Bah was too lonely and I didn't want James to find him yet. So, I'm giving Moo-Bah a girlfriend! Hope you like her! This chapter might not be as funny, but meh. -.-**

FINDING MOO-BAH - Chapter Six: In which Moo-Bah finds love

Lily crept into her room and curled up into her large four-poster bed.

She pulled her small stuffed animal to her chest and soundly fell asleep with a whispered, "Good night, Sheep-Moo."

* * *

><p>Lily stretched, the sunlight streaming in through her curtains.<p>

"Ah! That feels better," she sighed.

"How are you this morning, Sheep-Moo?" she asked. Silence. "Sheep-Moo?"

* * *

><p>Lily searched high and low, desperation poisoning her mind and face.<p>

"Sheep-Moo!" she called, on the verge of tears. She now knew how James felt.

_James!_

Lily pounded her fists on his door, willing him to wake up.

"James!"

Far later than she would have liked, he opened the door, yawning.

"What is it?" he asked wearily, rubbing his eyes.

This time, Lily burst into tears.

Surprised, James blinked as she wrapped her arms around him.

"Er - there, there?" He instantly felt like a fool. He didn't know how to comfort a girl.

After about a millennia, Lily's sobs subsided. She pulled away, wiping away her excess tears.

"Sorry about that," she muttered, gestering to his shirt.

"Ah, it's alright. I've never seen you cry before, and you've seen me cry plenty of times... heh, that kinda sounds lame," he said awkardly, rubbing the back of his head bashfully.

Lily chuckled at his sudden shyness.

"Would you, uh, like to talk about it?" he asked her.

"Sheep-Moo is missing!" she blurted out before she had time to register the question.

"Sheep-Moo...?"

"She's the female equivalent to Moo-Bah."

"Oh."

"We have to find them!" she announced, a fierce determination in her eyes.

"Are you sure? We might be interrupting something if they're... together," James said, waggling his eyebrows. Lily playfully pushed him in the chest and grabbed his arm.

"C'mon!"

"Shouldn't we get changed first?" James asked, gesturing to her revealing night gown. Lily suddenly turned red and ran to her dorm.

* * *

><p>"Have you seen Sheep-Moo or Moo-bah?" asked Lily to several students passing by her. They shook their heads.<p>

"We've asked _everyone_!" Lily complained to James in a defeated manner.

"Not everyone..." said Dory/Dora/Tonks.

"Who do you have in mind?"

"Not who, but what!"

"Huh?" asked Sirius as Dory/Dora/Tonks gave him a Look. Remus caught on faster than Sirius and yanked the Marauder's Map out of Sirius' robes.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good!" he said with a flourish, tapping the blank surface.

"What's that?" asked Lily, interested.

"It's the Marauder's Map, of course!" said James proudly.

"Er, I'm not following."

"The Marauder's created this map of Hogwarts. It shows who's on it, the secret passages in and out of Hogwarts and can insult people trying to read it without the right password!" piped up Sirius.

"What map? That's just a blank piece of - of..." Lily trailed off. She stared at the map in Remus' hands, and gasped in delight.

"So _that's_ how you get around the place!"

* * *

><p>Sheep-Moo wandered through the corridors, missing her owner. Like Moo-Bah, she felt that they needed seperation.<p>

"Bahhhh," said something softly.

"Moo?"

"Bahhh!"

A shape loomed out of the darkness. It limped towards her, a broad grin on its face.

"Moo!"

"Bahhh!"

It was truly love at first sight.


	8. In which the crew unicycles at midnight

**A/N: Yay! Everyone likes Sheep-Moo! ^^**

**A/N: The chapter title is so long ^^ Is unicycling a word? I hope so... in my dictionary, it doesn't exist, so... Anyway, it's Halloween (skipped a few weeks o.o) and James wants to do something to keep his mind off Moo-Bah...**

FINDING MOO-BAH - Chapter Seven: In which the Moo-Bah and Sheep-Moo search party goes unicycling

"Let's go unicycling."

"What?"

James sat up straight in his chair.

"You heard me."

"Yes, I heard you, but I don't understand you."

"We're going unicycling. At midnight. In clown suits. After the Halloween feast. Around the lake," said James decisively. Lily, Peter, Remus, Dory and Sirius just stared at him blankly.

"Fine! I'll get the clown suits _and_ the unicycles," said James, rolling his eyes. "You people are so pushy!"

* * *

><p>All week, Lily, Sirius and Remus were nervous. What if James was being serious? (No pun intended)<p>

On the Friday, the day before the Halloween feast, James bustled into the common room, carrying an armful of clown suits.

"Since you didn't tell me your sizes, I had to guess," said James, slightly annoyed.

He tossed a bright yellow suit at Peter, a horrifyingly green one at Sirius, a bright pink one at Lily, a blindingly purple one at Dory (They had given her the password to the Gryffindor common room, though she kept forgetting it) and an orangey-brown one at Remus. James had a bright, tomato red suit hanging off his arm.

He looked at them expectantly.

"Well...?" he prompted.

"It's... great," said Lily, holding up her bright pink one.

"I'm not wearing it. I'll go unicycling, but I'm not wearing it," said Sirius defiantly.

"Oh, honestly, Sirius, if you don't like the colour, you can change it," said Lily impatiently.

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows in concentration.

"Oh! Right!" then he charmed the clown suit to be neon bright, flashing colours.

"That's better."

"Yay!" James clapped his hands and jumped like an excited little girl.

* * *

><p>The Halloween feast was delicious.<p>

James insisted that they wear their clown suits to the feast, so that they could departure straight away and get ready to do some serious unicycling. While their faces were un-clownified, they still were a peculiar sight.

Dory sighed at the Hufflepuff table, staring dreamily at a certain Gryffindor.

"Dory? Dory? Earth to Dory!" a friend of Dory's snapped her fingers in front of Dory's face.

"H-huh?" Dory looked around.

"Why are you dressed in a... clown suit?"

"Oh... It's Halloween, isn't it?"

"Halloween's on Sunday."

"Then why is the feast on today?"

"Something about confusing the House Elves," shrugged the Hufflepuff boy.

Dory have a look of concentration and suddenly, she had bright purple hair, just like her clown suit. Her hair went all the way to her waist and was wildly curly.

"Woah! How'd you do that?" asked the Hufflepuff boy admiringly.

"I'm a metamorphosis. I was born this way," shrugged Dory.

"Cool." He shot her a look of deep affection. He wanted more than friendship desperately. But Dory was still staring at Remus Lupin without any dignity _or_ tact.

Sometimes, he wished that he was one of the Marauders... Amos Diggory almost cried whenever Dory was sitting there, perfectly. It just wasn't fair.

* * *

><p>"OK, guys, let's go and get into our proper suits!" squealed James. Reluctantly, Lily, Sirius, Peter and Remus got up and headed to the Gryffindor common room. Dory, seeing that Remus had moved, followed.<p>

* * *

><p>"Ten minutes to midnight, everybody!" James and his 'crew' snuck outside the entrance hall doors, making sure not to squeak too much.<p>

"I think James is a loony," whispered Dory grumpily. She had her hair bunched up into two and her red nose was so large she could hardly see.

James made a 'wait here' gesture with his hands, leaving his friends near the lake. When he came back, he was wheeling six unicycles out. He passed the unicycles around, making sure the colours of the unicycle matched their outfits.

"And let's cycle!"

"I can't believe we're doing this."

* * *

><p>At precisely one am, the crew minus Dory flopped into the common room, drained of energy.<p>

Sirius pulled out a black notebook and a loaded quill from his large pockets.

"Sirius Black's Book of What Not to Do With James Potter," he muttered, writing it down then underlining it many times.

"Unicycling in a clown suit for an hour," Sirius muttered again, underlining this many times.

"Why are you doing that, Sirius?" asked Remus weakly.

"I'm doing this so that as a wedding present, I can give this to the unfortunate woman who marrys James," replied Sirius, popping the book and quill back into his pockets.

"Right..."

**A/N: Spin off coming right up! :D**


	9. In which Lily has a secret

**A/N: My spin-off, 'Sirius' Book of What Not to Do with James Potter', is up! Check it out :D Oh, and check out mah profile :D. It's now simple...r. Anyway, it has the characters profiles in there (Although, I'm going to add Sirius, Narcissa, Bellatrix, Rodulphus, Remus, Peter and Severus to my profile soon... when I feel like it! ^^), and it addresses some things. (Such as James' random peanut butter allergy)**

**A/N: There wasn't much J/L, so here's a chapter with a bit of it! (The prank the Marauders pull is one that I did on Friday last week before English! I'm so proud of myself! :D ... But the teacher wasn't... oops. :/ ) OH, and I am pretty young and haven't had experience WHAT SO EVER with... 'romance', but I've read enough that I can kind of, not really, describe it. Review and tell me if it's totally unrealistic and SO DOES NOT HAPPEN when one kisses another, please! :D Oh, and this is a kinda serious chapter. Not much of the Finding, and not much of the Laughing. D: Just a whole heap of... plotlines. *shudder***

**A/N: Oh, and I have told you that the Head Boy and Girl have a dormitory to themselves, but they prefer the Gryffindor tower. (OK, I didn't explicitly tell you, but I hinted towards it.) Oh, and this is probably the longest _and_ crappiest chapter yet!**

FINDING MOO-BAH - Chapter Eight: In which Lily has a secret

"JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMES!"

"SIRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIUS!"

"I'M BOREDDDD!"

"WELL, GET OFF YOUR ARSE AND DO SOMETHINGGGGGGGGGGG!"

"NOOOOOO!"

"THEN WHY DID YOU TELL MEEEEE?"

"I DUNNOOOOOOOOO!"

"WILL BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP?"

James and Sirius grew silent as Lily angrily tossed her hair and stamped her foot.

James was near the fire in the Gryffindor Common Room and Sirius was hanging out near the Wizard Chess table on the other side of the room and both had been bellowing to the other. They both looked at her sheepishly.

Lily, on the other hand, had grown so fed up with the boys that she decided to intervene in her own special way. By shouting at them.

"I AM GETTING A HEADACHE!" She slammed a leather bound, thick as a brick book onto a desk to emphasize her point. The sound rang through the silent Common Room and she winced as her head pounded. Not the most brilliant move.

No one dared to even breathe. The Head Girl was definitely reaching her limits.

Sirius gestured to James and mouthed, 'Our dorm.', to him. James got the message and they silently left the room.

* * *

><p>"You think it will work?"<p>

Sirius gave James a huge grin.

"Definitely."

James got a roll of parchment and cut it so that it was roughly the size of an A4 piece of paper. He turned it on its side, so that it was landscape. Then, he wrote in large, bold letters, 'SEVERUS SNAPE LOVES PETER PETTIGREW!' Sirius started duplicating it and they got a large stack of them after about half an hour. James then got a fantastic idea.

"What if we say 'SEVERUS SNAPE LOVES' then a largely known female clothing label?"

"What about a Muggle one, so that the Muggleborns can snigger all the way to St. Mungoes?"

James grinned. Then, his face fell.

"What is a well known, Muggle, female clothing label?"

"Let's ask Lily!"

* * *

><p>"I will not answer."<p>

"Please!"

"No!"

"I'm sorry Lily, I didn't want to resort to this," sighed Sirius. He got down onto his knees, grabbed her hands and gave her the cutest, biggest puppy dog eyes known to man. She almost trembled in the wake of their cuteness.

"Gucci," she whispered. "Spelt capital G, lowercase u, lowercase c, lowercase c, and a lowercase i." **[A/N: Random fact time! Gucci was founded in 1921 :O]**

"Thanks, Lils!" Sirius kissed her cheek and ran with James up to their dorm.

* * *

><p>They waited until nightfall.<p>

Then, they struck.

The Marauders plastered the signs all over the walls of Hogwarts, save for the Great Hall and respected/feared teacher's classrooms (i.e. Professor McGonagall).

Snickering, they returned to their dorm and fell asleep, dreaming of the reactions they were likely to get.

* * *

><p>"WHAT IS THIS?"<p>

"A sign," said James, snickering. Severus Snape tore off a 'sign' and there was another one underneath.

"WHAT THE HECK IS GUCCI?"

"Calm down, diva," chuckled Sirius. Severus just glared at him. Then , he ripped another sign off, only to find another underneath.

"ARGH!"

* * *

><p>James, Sirius and Remus relaxed in the common room after dinner and a whole string of pranks, involving a VERY distraught Snape.<p>

"Ahh... Another good prank done. You know, I'm getting very... much in the zone. Do you think we can pull off another one?" said Remus contentedly.

"PRANK!" James shouted suddenly, his hand pointed up in the air and his head flung backwards. The Marauders minus Peter looked at him strangely.

"Er - " started Sirius.

"Don't you **dare** pull another prank, James Potter," growled someone from the darkness. Immediately, James lept up, his wand out and trained on the person in the corner. There was an intake of breath as the person in the corner shrunk away from his angry, serious gaze.

"Expelliarmus!"

Suddenly, his wand was out of his hand and in the palm of Sirius. There was a moment of silence. Then, Sirius thought he should say something, at least.

"Er - "

"Is that all you can say?" snapped James, his gaze never lingering away from the corner. His expression remained murderous.

"It's alright. Come out," called Remus. Sheepishly, Lily crawled out of the corner, slightly shaken by James' sudden seriousness. Immediately, James' mask melted away and it was replaced by his normal, happy, relaxed, handsome face.

"Sorry, Lily!" he called, his hand immediately leaping to the back of his neck, as though ashamed.

"Uh... yeah..." Lily said, slightly scared of his sudden mood swing. She was still crawling around on the floor, and James took this as an opportunity to at least be chivalrous. He swooped down and held out his hand for Lily to take and use him as support. She blushed slightly, and James noticed but resisted the urge to smirk.

"Um... thanks?" she said, taking his hand and standing up.

"You're so very welcome!"

Lily's eyes darted from side to side, as if wondering if James escaped from St. Mungos.

"Well, anyway! Let's get back to conspiring with evil laughter! MUHAHAHA!"

"You know what? I'm going to sleep on the idea," said Sirius quickly, backing up the stairs.

"Yeah, me too. Look at the time!" replied Remus.

"What they mean to say is that Lily ruined the mood," said Peter bluntly.

"Wormtail!" growled Sirius. Peter scarpered upstairs.

"Uh - I think I'm going to go to bed, too," said James, completely clueless as to _why_ his friends had escaped.

"Wait! I mean... I want to talk to you," said Lily shyly.

"Is something wrong?" asked James immediately. After all, why would Lily Evans, the prettiest, smartest witch in the year, want to talk to the arrogant, selfish, idiotic, annoying, hyperactive, Head Boy?

"Uh. I, uh, oh boy. I don't know how to say this. I... like you?"

James blinked, confused.

"Oh! You mean my socks! Yeah, they are pretty snazzy, right?" he asked her, lifting up his pants to show her his bright, hot pink, dotted, knee high socks.

"No," Lily shook her head, although she was slightly impressed by his bravery to wear bright pink socks.

"You mean you like my O I got for my essay and you want pointers on how to improve your skills?"

"No."

"You mean you like my Quidditch skills and you want to learn how to play?"

"No."

James was stumped. There was nothing else admirable about him.

"You mean you like... me?"

"Yes."

"Oh boy. I have to sit down."

He sat down, his head spinning with the shock of it all.

"But... why?" he asked.

"Because it's a feeling?" asked Lily. She wasn't really sure _why_, but she knew she did. She sat next to him, and he closed his eyes, concentrating on something. Then, without really knowing what she was doing, she reached up and kissed him gently. James' eyes flew open and he kissed her back, both gaining more urgency, before he pulled away, breathing heavily.

"That. Was. Some. Kiss," he whispered before leaning in again...

* * *

><p>"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"<p>

Lily's eyes flew open and she looked at a shocked roommate. Then, it took her a second to realise that she was making out with one of her bed posts. Thinking quickly, she replied,

"Practising."

"For what? The 'making out with wooden poles' competition?" shrieked KayCee Williams. **A/N: Here comes the OC's! Yeah, I forgot that Lily actually had FRIENDS, but you know. (I will remind you that Dory is actually Tonks, but I just placed her in a completely AU situation)**

"Chill, Kace," mumbled Bridget Jones.

"I will not chill! I wake up and find our best friend _kissing_ an inanimate object!"

"Hush, you'll wake up the whole house!"

"Don't you DARE tell me what to do, Lillian Rose Evans!"

"Fine. I'll be back."

"I HAVEN'T FINISHED WITH YOU, MISSY! COME BACK HERE!"

"Yeah, whatever. Go back to bed."

"DON'T YOU WHATEVER ME! - " KayCee's cries were silenced when Lily shut the door on her.

"SHE JUST WHATEVERED ME! YOU DO NOT WHATEVER _ME_!"

"Just shut up!" yelled Bridget. You did _not_ want to get her angry.

"Yes, boss."

* * *

><p>Lily walked down the Girls' Dormitory's staircase, and was met with a snoring James. He was sitting on the sofa before the fire. In the same position he was in in her dream. <em>OK, that's kinda weird<em>... she thought. All the same, though, her hand leapt to her lips.

His hair was tousled and his glasses where askew. His shirt was crumpled and it looked as though he was having a darn good dream. He looked handsome, yet adorable at the same time.

She sighed in a lovesick kind of way, then she mentally slapped herself. _James Potter? Really? As if. Psht. We're just friends until we find our respective animals. After that, it's back to hating!_ She tried to reassure herself, but she still couldn't help staring at his toned body.

"No - freaking - WAY!" squealed KayCee.

Lily's eyes grew wide as she turned around and stared at her two friends, who were on the stairs behind her and watching avidly.

"Why were you spying on me?" she whispered angrily.

"Well, we thought that you were going to meet some guy... and then we see you drooling over Mr Hot-Stuff over here," giggled KayCee, pointing at James slumbering on the sofa. Lily blushed.

"So it is true! You like Potter! You like Potter! You like Potter!" Lily's wonderful, supportive best friends started happy dancing in a circle on the stairs.

"Shut up," she growled, blushing even more. The snoring stopped and James jolted awake.

Lily pulled her friends up to their dorm before he could see them, her friends still whispering their 'You like Potter!' chant.

* * *

><p>When Lily woke again, the sun was shining and it was really a nice day. Except for the fact that she didn't know if it was all a dream or not.<p>

So, all in all, Lily was pretty glad it was a Sunday. Really.

She just wanted to figure out certain things about a certain raven haired male. She didn't _want_ to bother with lessons and all that crap. Boy, was Lily confused.

"Watch where you're going," snarled Severus as Lily accidently bumped into him. She blinked up at him and then burst into tears. Severus' eyes widened and he felt very, _very_ awkward.

"Uh… What's wrong?" he asked, looking around to see if there was anyone watching this embarrassing predicament.

"I can't find Sheep-Moo, you're not my friend, James Potter is suddenly hotter than I remember, and I'm so confused because of a realistic dream I had last night!" she bawled.

"There, there...?" Severus awkwardly patted her on the back, not knowing how to respond otherwise.

"Did the Marauders put signs everywhere saying 'Severus Snape loves Gucci'?" asked Lily, wiping away her tears and calming down.

Severus stiffened. "You saw that?" he whispered, mortified.

"Then did I actually kiss him...?" whispered Lily, placing her hand on her lips.

"Huh?"

"Oh, uhm, I guess I'll see you around," said Lily quickly, dashing away from a confused Severus.

* * *

><p>James wandered around the halls, feeling very happy. He had the most wonderful dream. EVER. Of course, it involved a certain Miss Evans. But this time... they kissed! And Lily had no objection to it! He happily skipped down the hallway, singing 'If a Tree Falls' - the very song that Dory sung with her band of hippies. He wondered where they all were nowadays.<p>

"BACON!" he cried as he tripped. He tumbled into a mass of red hair... red _familiar_ hair. He blushed bright red with embarrassment and disentangled himself from Lily. Her bright emerald eyes shone with uncertainty. He stood up, then offered his hand to help Lily up.

"Sorry..." started James awkwardly. She just blinked up at him and he almost withdrew his hand. But, his mother's voice in his head barked at him to remain chivalrous. It took a few minutes for Lily to comprehend what had happened. Then, she realised she was on the ground in front of James Potter, who was patiently offering his hand to help her up. She blushed.

"Uh… Thanks," she said, taking his hand and pulling herself up.

"No problem," replied James, letting go of her hand. Unbeknownst to him, Lily felt slightly disappointed. After all, in her dream, Lily was now supposed to confess after he helped her up and his friends scuttled away to their dorms. But, since he was friendless at the moment, there was no way in hell she doing it now! Or ever! It was just a dream… right?

"Can I ask why you were walking around the halls on a Sunday morning when most of Hogwarts are in their beds?" he asked Lily.

_No way am I going to tell him that I bumped into Severus and cried my eyes out about my dream!_ thought Lily.

"Not if you tell me why _you_ are wandering around the halls and bumping into people first," she challenged. James could sense the challenge, and he felt panicked. _No way am I going to tell her that I was thinking about my dream I had!_

"I asked first," he told her quickly.

"I asked second," she replied smartly.

Now he could sense that whatever he said as retaliation to that, it would be met with a smart arsed reply. He could feel a grin coming on.

"Oh yeah? Well you asked last – so doesn't your answer deserve to be last?" he raised an eyebrow at her.

"Nope, my answer deserves to come first because ladies come first!"

"But wouldn't that mean that you would have to answer first?" he was quite enjoying this pointless banter. So much that he beamed at her. And her breath caught. Audibly. But, he thought that it was because he had defeated her. And Lily's secret was safe. For now.


	10. In which James regains his weirdness

**A/N: So! I hoped you liked Lily's secret! I'm sure James does ;) Oh, and since this is an insane fanfic, most of Hogwarts is insane! Well... just a little bit... Anyway, another chapter! ENJOY! (Even though it's short... :/)**

FINDING MOO-BAH: Chapter Nine - In which James regains his... weirdness

"Muhahaha!"

James pranced down the halls menacingly. Much like how Voldemort would in James's mind.

"Muhahaha!"

He added a 360 spin to his prance, making it so much more menacing. And ridiculous.

"James? What are you doing?" asked Lily, confused. Of course, James had already twirled past her before her question registered in his mind.

"I'm impersonating Voldieshorts!" He yelled over his shoulder.

"A**bra** Kada**bra**!" James yelled, emphasising the bra and pointing his wand at an unsuspecting first year. The first year shrieked girlishly and ran around crazily, his hands glued to his chest, which had a bright neon yellow bra over his school robes.

James twirled past a gang of Slytherins (namely Bellatrix Black, Rodulphus Lestrange, Lucius Malfoy, Gabriel Zabini, Narcissa Black, ) and yelled, "A**bra **Kada**bra**!" The males acted exactly the same as the first year, and the girls gasped. Their bras were missing and on the male Slytherins!

James cackled just like Bellatrix Black – so much so that Bellatrix herself was wondering if she was in the wrong body. However, after she looked up from herself, James was gone.

"Now who am I supposed to yell at?" she shrieked, angrily tossing her hair. Gabriel Zabini and Lucius Malfoy were comparing their glued bras.

"Mine is better!" announced Gabriel Zabini gleefully.

"Nuh uh!"

They tackled each other to the ground and Bellatrix just rolled her eyes. A Slytherin creep winked at her and then whispered 'You, me, my dorm, tonight' seductively in her ear. She scoffed, then kneed him in the place where a man can NOT be kneed.

* * *

><p>"Soooooooooooooo. Watcha eatin'?" asked James, taking a bite of a nearby sandwich at the Gryffindor table. He had finished with his 'bra' rampage and he felt oddly calm.<p>

"Oh! Uhm... something," replied Lily, blushing and looking down at her plate. In truth, she didn't even know what she was eating.

"Well, that's interesting," said Sirius sarcastically. **(A/N: I love that sentence!)**

"Anyway," interrupted KayCee Williams, nudging Bridget Jones in an evil manner, "We saw something the other day that we feel should be brought to attention."

"We did?" asked Bridget.

"Yes, we did. In the common room," said KayCee meanfully.

"Uh..."

"Oh, for God's sake woman! Don't you remember?"

"I saw a lot of things in the common room," said Bridget, blushing violently.

"When Bridget over here gets her head out of the gutter, we'll tell you," said KayCee, dragging Bridget away to explain to her _what_ they saw.

Sirius shook his head. "Women. They're all nutters. Hot nutters."

Lily and James just stared at him.

"What?"

* * *

><p>"WHY ARE YOU GOING TO TELL HIM?" yelled Lily.<p>

"Miss Evans! I'm shocked! Five points from Gryffindor!" said Professor Flitwick.

"Sorry, sir," said Lily sheepishly.

"Anyway," Lily said in a much quieter voice, "Why? Why do you wish to torture me in this way?"

"We don't mean to torture you, silly. We just mean to set you guys up!"

"But it's a silly crush! I suppose it will be gone in a few days! It's not as if it's anything major!" said Lily, a blush rising in her cheeks.

"Not anything major, my arse!" announced KayCee, "Of course it's major! He's been pining after you for _years _and now it's your turn!"

"Bridget, help me here!" whined Lily.

"I'm staying out of this!" she replied.

"It will work," said KayCee gently, "I'll make it work."

"No thank you! I have to find Sheep-Moo, because when I do, I will not like James Potter!"

* * *

><p>"MOO-BAH!"<p>

"SHEEP-MOO!"

"WHERE ARE YOU?"

Lily and James decided to search the castle when they were on patrol. They did not have much luck, however. So, James suddenly burst into tears.

"There, there. We'll find them," said Lily, growing uncomfortable as James' wails grew louder.

"NO! NO WE WON'T!"

While Lily attempted to calm down James, Moo-Bah and Sheep-Mo watched quietly in a dark corner, unseen but sad that their owners were in distress. _But it will help them grow independant,_ both animals thought with a sigh.


	11. In which MooBah gets a close shave

**A/N: HI! Sorry sorry for not updating sooner, it's been kinda hectic. Anyway, I have some bad news... this is on hiatus for the moment, so this is going to be the last chapter in... a while. Next update means that it's off hiatus and you can expect some updates. At least I haven't abandoned mah loverly Moo-Bah!**

FINDING MOO-BAH: Chapter Ten - In which Moo-Bah has a close shave... literally

"WOW!"

"COOL!"

"SWEET!"

"AWESOME!"

"What are you looking at?" asked Lily, heading over to the Marauders. Quickly, James stuffed a piece of parchment down his robes. Lily raised an eyebrow, and then sat down in the middle of the circle of four. They were in the Gryffindor common room, and most Gryffindors had already gone to bed. The Gryffindors that remained were concentrating on their homework, and not on the Marauders.

Lily voiced her observation to the Marauders, and they all glanced at each other, obviously not wanting to divulge the information on the mysterious piece of parchment.

"Sorry, Lils, can't show you."

"I told you not to call me that, Black."

"Sorry, Lils - I mean, Lily. It seems easier to say Lils than Lily. How about Lil?"

"No."

"How about Lily-Shmily-Willy-bear?"

"Where did you get that idea from, Peter?"

"I have no idea, Remus."

"Either way, why won't you show me what's on the parchment? It's obviously something that can get you in a load of trouble. Perhaps I could go consult Professor McGonagall?"

The Marauders gasped.

"You wouldn't dare!" cried Sirius. Lily narrowed her eyes.

"I would."

The Marauders glanced at each other. Then, they all nodded, creepily synchronized. With a sigh, James reached into his robes and removed the parchment. Sirius cleared his throat and said in a hoarse, creepy voice:

"If you repeat this to anyone, we will make sure that you will be so embarressed that you won't want to show your face again!"

"Uh..." replied Lily, glancing quickly at James.

"Don't worry about him, he's just being weird. He's had sugar. But yeah, if you repeat this to ANYONE... I will personally eat you. Literally," said James, unfolding the parchment.

Remus took the liberty to tap the parchment with his wand and mutter, "I solemnly swear I am up to no good."

They observed the wonder on Lily's face as the Marauder's Map became... a map.

"You know, I love the theatrics of the Map," said Sirius, "But I hate the lag time."

"Mmm, I know right?" agreed James, "Sometimes you just want a shortcut, not some wishy-washy animation of lines appearing all over the parchment."

"Yeah, I agree, but it's too late to reconfigure it now," shrugged Remus.

"Anyhoo," said Peter, pointing to the map, "It's finished now."

"Well then, Lily, let's take you on a tour of Hogwarts," said James.

"But I know a lot about Hogwarts already," insisted Lily.

"Not enough, Lily, not enough," said Sirius solemnly, shaking his head.

"Well then, take me on the tour!" said Lily.

* * *

><p>Some time later, Lily stared at the Marauder's, seeing them in a new light. Her head was filled with questions, shortcuts, secrets and a few other things (such as trying not to meet James' eyes, for fear of blushing).<p>

"So, let me get this straight. You _made_ this?" she asked, pointing at the Map.

"Yeah," replied James.

"And that's a key thing for your pranking and trips out of the castle?" asked Lily.

"Pretty much. Do you want to tell her about the Cloak?" Sirius asked James.

"Yeah, sure," said James, getting up and slipping off his robes and loosening his tie. Lily did the exact opposite of what she wanted to do. She blushed.

"What's the matter with her?" Sirius whispered to Remus.

"I think," Remus whispered back, "She might have finally started to fancy James."

"Finally," muttered Sirius, "I could see it happening, but it was taking a while."

Remus murmured his agreement.

"That's better," said James, bringing Remus and Sirius' attention back to him.

"So, you did all that... just to feel better?" asked Sirius.

"Wait for it... wait for it... wait for it..." said James, staring at Lily's eyelids. As soon as she blinked, he covered himself with the Invisibility Cloak. She screamed, while the Marauder's clapped.

"Wonderful timing, James," said Remus.

"B-but where did he go?" asked Lily.

"My, my. What do we have here?" asked Sirius, "It looks as if Lily is actually _worried_ for James."

She blushed only slightly.

"Anyway, James," said Remus, "How did you manage that?"

"Well, I've been practising my wrist flicks," said a voice behind Lily. She jumped.

"Ahh, that would be very useful," replied Remus sagely.

Lily blinked again, and suddenly, James was sitting right beside her, grinning broadly. This time, she didn't blush, as Sirius had hoped, but she looked down shyly.

"So, how did he disappear and reappear?" asked Lily.

"An Invisibility Cloak," said Sirius.

"Oh, I see. Another key element, I presume?" replied Lily.

"Yup," said James. Lily blinked again, and suddenly she found herself wrapped in material that felt almost like water.

"Awesome!" she said.

"Very," replied James.

"Now, about this prank you've devised," said Remus to James, "You said it involves an electric shaver. But Muggle items don't work in Hogwarts."

"Ahh, you're forgetting about one thing," said James.

"What?" asked Remus.

"I shave with an electric shaver. But it's not Muggle."

"Oh, yes, a Wizarding shaver would work. But how? Electrical things aren't supposed to work within these walls," said Remus.

"That's because," said James, "My mum charmed it so that it _would_ work. It was a birthday present."

"Ahh..." said Sirius.

"Yes, ahh. Anyway, it's not a prank, as such, it's more of an... optical illusion and a hallway blockage," said James.

"So, what do we do?" asked Lily, taking off the Cloak.

"I almost forgot you were here!" said Sirius with a laugh. Then he stopped laughing.

"Wait a sec... Lily Evans wants to help the Marauders with a prank/optical illusion/hallway blockage?" asked Sirius.

"Apparently so. Anyway, how it goes is this..." whispered James, gathering them all in a huddle.

* * *

><p>"The Hogwarts Boys and Girls Hairdresser is now open!" declared Sirius in a loud, booming voice the next morning.<p>

"Yay!" squealed James, jumping up and down like an excited little girl. He dashed inside a large cardboard hut that had been transfigured to look like an ordinary hair salon.

"OK, James," said Sirius, "That's just one galleon!"

"OK!" James deposited the money in Sirius' hand, and Sirius gave it back, his hand under the window.

"Well now, let's get to it!" said Sirius. Lily draped something that looked like a large bib designed for catching hair around James' neck and Peter hurried forward with the shaver. Remus turned it on and was about to shave James' hair when McGonagall hurried down the hallway and pushed through the large crowd that had either come to see what was going on, or were meaning to get through to the other side but were blocked and distracted.

"Mr Potter!" the Professor cried out, "What in the blazes are you doing?"

"Getting a haircut, Professor," replied James.

"In the middle of a hallway?"

"Well, it's the weekend, so it's not as if we are obstructing any learning," said James. The rest of the Marauders and Lily nodded in agreement.

"Well then, continue on. I feel like I need a few laughs," said McGonagall, charming her hat into a chair, which she sat down on. Remus shrugged, and in one big motion, he shaved off all of James' hair. Several students (mostly fan-girls) gasped in horror and McGonagall let out a small chuckle.

"Yay! I look hot!" exclaimed James, jumping up and ripping off his hair catching bib. He inwardly cringed at those words, but they were in the script - he had to say them.

"My turn!" said Sirius eagerly. James grabbed the shaver and Lily put the bib around Sirius' neck. James shaved all of Sirius' hair off, and students gasped.

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Sirius, jumping up and down, "I love the feel of the wind on my scalp!"

Remus sat down, and this time Lily grabbed the shaver. Sirius passed the bib to Peter, who wrapped it around Remus' neck.

"Let's go!" cried Remus. Lily shaved off his hair and when she was done, he looked in the mirror and pretended to faint. Students gasped once more, and McGonagall stood up, looking concerned. But then, Remus jumped up and yelled,

"My new nickname should be now... Hot Hair!"

Lily sat down and Remus ripped off his bib enthusiastically and James gingerly placed it around Lily's neck. Remus grabbed the shaver from Lily's hand and then... shaved all her hair off. James winced slightly, but he knew the secret of this prank.

"Wow! Look at me," exclaimed Lily, "I feel and look great!"

"Oh I can't wait!" said Peter, hopping into the chair after Lily climbed out. James grabbed the shaver and Lily put the bib around Peter's neck. In one sweeping motion, he shaved off Peter's hair.

"Woo hoo!" he cried out.

"We are now the Bald Musketeers! Let's go wreak havoc among those with the dreaded... HAIR!" said Sirius.

"Baaah."

"Did you hear that?" asked James, looking around wildly. Moo-Bah was around somewhere!

In his eagerness to find Moo-Bah, James tripped, the shaver still going and he heard another sound, this time a moo.

"Sheep-Moo!" cried out Lily, "Where are you?"

"I don't think they'll listen to us," said James, getting up and turning the shaver off, "Let's just do the finale."

"Alright," said Lily reluctantly, glancing back.

"Oh no!" said James loudly, "My hair wants to go back on my head! Ahh! Get away from me!"

James fell with a loud thump and the audience gasped. James ripped off his really realistic and really shaved wig. He jumped back up, in horror.

"No!"

Suddenly, the others started struggling, as though they had hair crawling up their legs, and one by one they fell, ripped off their wigs (Lily undoing her flat ponytail) and leapt back up in horror.

"Nooooooooooo!"

While the audience was distracted by the others, James quickly _reparo_ed all of the wigs, and hid them with the Invisibility Cloak.

"Now I can never get a haircut again!" cried Sirius, "My hair wants to attack me if I do so. It's _EVIL_!"

Then, without warning, they all ran out of the hut and suddenly, the image of the hut disappeared. The audience looked at each other, confused.

"Thanks kid," James muttered, handing five galleons to a Gryffindor fifth year around the corner of their show, who had made the hut extremely tiny and Summoned it.

"No problem. Oh, and not a word to anyone?" asked the fifth year, handing the tiny hut to James.

"Not a word. If you do... well, you might wake up without any hair at all, your clothes'll be stolen and honey soy chicken will rain on you, marinating you so much that you smell strange for weeks on end," said James, a crazed glint in his eyes.

"Uh..." the fifth year backed away and dashed into the Great Hall.

"That was fun," said James.

"Very," said Sirius. James jumped. He had forgotten that the others were still there.

"Shame about Moo-Bah and Sheep-Moo," said Lily quietly to James.

"Yeah. But they'll turn up when they're ready. It doesn't mean that we can't try and make them ready faster," said James with a shrug. They moved off into the Great Hall, for it was lunch time, not knowing they were being watched.

* * *

><p>Moo-Bah and Sheep-Moo were quite frazzled by their latest experience. When James tripped and fell, he not only almost shaved Moo-Bah, but Sheep-Moo too.<p>

"Bah, baah bahh..." said Moo-Bah to Sheep-Moo. The rough translation of that was, "Man, that sucked."

"Moo mooooo moo," replied Sheep-Moo. The rough translation of that was, "I know right."

Then, they watched their owners in silence, and they both sighed as one. It was getting more difficult to avoid them, and they both felt that soon, they'd have to go back to their owners.

"Bah bah bah," said Moo-Bah, the translation being, "I love you."

"Moo moo," replied Sheep-Moo, the translation being, "Me too."


End file.
